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Extract from Public Relations: a Matter of Spin by N E Renton

A mathematician, an accountant and a public relations officer all applied for the same job with a large company.

The interviewer called in the mathematician first and asked, "What does two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replied, "Four."

The interviewer asked, "Four, exactly?"

The mathematician looked at the interviewer incredulously and said, "Yes, of course: four, exactly."

Then the interviewer called in the accountant and asked the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The accountant said, "On average, four - give or take 10 per cent; but on average, four."

Then the interviewer called in the public relations officer and again posed the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The public relations officer got up, locked the door, closed the shade, sat down next to the interviewer and whispered, "Well, what do you want it to equal?"


A newly established public relations consultant, wanting to impress the first client coming into his office, picked up the telephone and said, "I'm sorry, but I have a tremendous workload at the moment and I won't be able to look after your campaign for at least a month."

He then hung up, turned to the young man in his office and asked, "What can I do for you, sir?"

"Nothing," replied the young man. "I'm just here to hook up your phone."


A man went to the human resources department of a large public relations company and handed the manager a job application and his cv. The manager scanned the material and noticed that the applicant had had a lot of job changes. Naturally, he queried this and got an explanation from the applicant.

"I must say," said the manager, "your work history is terrible. You seem to have been fired from every job you ever held."

"Yes," admitted the man.

"Well," continued the manager, "there's not much positive in that."

"Hey!" responded the applicant. "You can see that at least I'm not a quitter."


A con man was recently charged with impersonating a public relations consultant.

On hearing this, one of his clients remarked, "I should have suspected that something was not quite right. He was always so punctual and polite."


A doctor, an engineer and a public relations consultant were arguing about which was the oldest profession.

The doctor stated that God had created Eve from Adam's rib. This, of course, had been a surgical procedure.

The engineer argued that, earlier, God had created order from chaos. This had clearly been an engineering feat.

"But," asked the public relations consultant, "who do you think created the chaos in the first place?"


What does the wife of a public relations expert do when she has insomnia?

She rolls over and says, "Tell me again, darling, just what is it that you do for a living?"


The two young sons of a public relations professional were walking home from Sunday School when one turned to the other and asked: "What do you make of all this business about the devil that we studied today?"

The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just Dad, too."


Terms used when writing up performance appraisals for public relations employees and the real meanings of the words:

  • Good Communication Skills - Spends a lot of time chatting on the telephone
  • Average Employee - Is not too bright
  • Exceptionally Well Qualified - Has made no major blunders yet
  • Work is her First Priority - Is too ugly to get a date
  • Active Socially - Drinks a lot
  • Family is Active Socially - Spouse drinks, too
  • Independent Worker - Nobody knows what he is doing
  • Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses
  • Careful Thinker - Won't make a decision
  • Uses Logic on Difficult Assignments - Gets someone else to do them
  • Expresses herself well - Speaks English
  • Meticulous Attention to Detail - Is a nit picker
  • Has Leadership Qualities - Is tall
  • Exceptionally Good Judgement - Is very lucky
  • Keen Sense of Humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
  • Career Minded - Is always stabbing colleagues in the back
  • Very Loyal - Can't get a job anywhere else


    Dear Dorothy Dix

    I have a problem which I hope you can help me with. I am a young man of 23 years.

    I have one brother who works for a large and well-known public relations firm. I have another brother who is serving his second prison term for armed burglary and arson.

    My mother is pregnant by my best friend and because of this my father refuses to marry her.

    My sister works the streets and hotels at night. My father lives off her earnings.

    Recently I became engaged to a very lovely girl and I want to do the right thing by her.

    Should I tell her about having a brother in public relations?


    A public relations consultant died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in a queue to see St Peter. But, to his surprise, St Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the consultant was standing.

    St Peter greeted him warmly. Then St Peter and one of his assistants took the consultant by the hand and gingerly guided him up to the front of the queue into a comfortable chair by his desk.

    The public relations consultant said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

    St Peter replied, "Well, we have added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by our calculations you must be about 193 years old!"


    "I'm thinking of leaving my husband," complained the wife of a well-known public relations expert. "All he ever does is stand at the end of our bed and tell me how good things are going to be."


    A public relations consultant and his client were walking to a meeting one day when they saw a small child being attacked by a fierce Rottweiller. Without hesitating, the client rushed forward, grabbed the dog with his bare hands and wrestled it to the ground.

    After several bloody and terrifying minutes of a life and death struggle, the client managed to kill the beast and thus rescue the child. As he lay on the ground, bleeding and gasping for breath, unable to talk, a passing journalist jumped out of a car and ran over to them to ask what had happened.

    "What a story!" he said when told the details. "Local hero saves child".

    "If I can just correct you there," the public relations consultant interrupted, "I am Mr Smith's spokesman, and I should alert you to the fact that Mr Smith is just visiting this area."

    "Well, that's fine, too," said the journalist. "Visitor risks life to save child. So, what does Mr Smith do?"

    "As a matter of a fact," the consultant explained, "he is the chairman of a major listed company".

    The headline next day read: "CORPORATE FAT CAT STRANGLES FAMILY PET"


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    This page http://nickrenton.com/920.htm was last updated on 2005-11-27